Tuesday, December 18, 2012

MAN CARD (by Jeff Schrembs)

Well, well, well.

It seems, based upon the email(s), that my Rule # 2 (aka: description of women) contained in my article entitled “Rules for possessing a MAN CARD” hit a “nerve” with some “non-males”.

What part of Note: If you are female STOP READING NOW, which was the first line in my article, was unclear?

In full disclosure I LOVE women and I think most men would agree that women can be..,complicated. I don’t mean mathematical complications I mean Rubic Cube complicated. I mean infinity times ten complicated. I mean the Matrix Movies complicated. You get it. I know you do.

However, this article was for…men. I said it. Men.

Something only for men you ask? Answer = yes hence the title using the term “MAN CARD”. It’s a card for (real) men. No, it’s not a oxymoron. Let’s move along.

By the way what stalker methodology enabled so many “non-males” to decipher my personal email? I would hate to think that some of you are using basic technology to find me in this digital world.

Oh yeah, to those of you who emailed me (and FYI anonymous Gmail accounts are a “dime a dozen”) and then were brazen enough to ask if my Facebook photo was current and/or if it was really me would you really think that with a last name like Schrembs that I could get away with a fake self pic? Who does that?

Back to my point.

Who would object to being described as a combination of “Unicorns + Tinsel + Michelangelo”?
In the long past my bedtime, been up for more than 24 straight hours, sad, trying to distract moment whereby I decided to write an article I believe that my words painted a beautiful canvas that MEN would understand.

Verbatim (actually forget that verbatim stuff because I left off the first two lines because it is                              S    E    C   R   E  T “man stuff”) I said, in Rule # 2, that It’s a given that we don’t understand women so just nod your head, act like you are listening, and remember every other sentence they say should they “test” you. Women are complicated creatures so let’s think of them as a combination of; unicorns  (note: you are not to ever use the word “unicorn” other than if it is part of a bedtime story), tinsel, and paintings by Michelangelo. Unicorns as they are “magical and elusive creatures”. Tinsel as they are ‘sparkly”. Michelangelo because they are; beautiful, have depth, and are timeless”.

What woman doesn’t want to be thought of as “magical” or “beautiful” and/or “timeless”? Oh, I know. The less than 1% negative email authors (as the other 99% of emails I got ranged from “I love it” to “great story” to “right on” to “hilarious”).

With that said I wanted to issue this article as opposed to randomly answering emails.
Thus the lesson I’ve learned, and boy have I learned a lot these past few years, is that when one puts their thoughts out there the reactions run the gamut.

Nonetheless I wish everyone, including Budda–@hotmail.com who was so kind to send me a series of  “semi-nude webcams” every 8 hours since I posted my original article, a MERRY CHRISTMAS 2012.

Until next time.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Elvis Presley Expert: Elvis Presley Billboard Top 20 Hits (during his li...

The Elvis Presley Expert: Elvis Presley Billboard Top 20 Hits (during his li...: Heartbreak Hotel 1 1956 I Was the One 19 1956 Blue Suede Shoes 20...

Elvis Presley Billboard Top 20 Hits (during his lifetime)


Heartbreak Hotel
1
1956
I Was the One
19
1956
Blue Suede Shoes
20
1956
I Want You, I Need You, I Love You
1
1956
Don't Be Cruel
1
1956
Hound Dog
1
1956
Love Me Tender
1
1956
Anyway You Want Me (That's How I Will Be)
20
1956
When My Blue Moon Turns to Gold Again
19
1956
Love Me
2
1957
Too Much
1
1957
All Shook Up
1
1957
(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear
1
1957
Loving You
20
1957
Jailhouse Rock
1
1957
Treat Me Nice
18
1957
Don't
1
1957
I Beg of You
8
1957
Wear My Ring Around Your Neck
2
1958
Doncha' Think It's Time
15
1958
Hard Headed Woman
1
1958
One Night
4
1958
I Got Stung
8
1958
(Now and Then There's) A Fool Such As I
2
1959
I Need Your Love Tonight
4
1959
A Big Hunk O' Love
1
1959
My Wish Came True
12
1959
Stuck On You
1
1960
Fame and Fortune
17
1960
It's Now or Never
1
1960
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
1
1960
I Gotta Know
20
1960
Surrender
1
1961
Flaming Star
14
1961
I Feel So Bad
5
1961
Little Sister
5
1961
(Marie's the Name of) His Latest Flame
4
1961
Can't Help Falling in Love
2
1961
Good Luck Charm
1
1962
Follow That Dream
15
1962
She's Not You
5
1962
Return to Sender
2
1962
One Broken Heart for Sale
11
1963
(You're the) Devil in Disguise
3
1963
Boss Nova Baby
8
1963
Kissin' Cousins
12
1964
Such a Night
16
1964
Ask Me
12
1964
Ain't That Lovin' You, Baby
16
1964
Crying in the Chapel
3
1965
(Such an) Easy Question
11
1965
I'm Yours
11
1965
Puppet on a String
14
1965
Love Letters
19
1966
If I Can Dream
12
1968
In the Ghetto
3
1969
Suspicious Minds
1
1969
Don't Cry, Daddy/Rubberneckin'
6
1969
Kentucky Rain
16
1970
The Wonder of You/Mama Liked the Roses
9
1970
You Don't Have to Say You Love Me/Patch It Up
11
1970
Burning Love
2
1972
Separate Ways
20
1972
Streamroller Blues/Fool
17
1973
If You Talk in Your Sleep
17
1973
Promised Land
14
1974
My Boy
20
1975
Way Down
18
1977